Monthly Archives

February 2017

Inspiration and Motivation

Every Life Matters!!!

February 26, 2017

Completing graduate school with a master’s degree in occupational therapy was one of my greatest accomplishments. 

I had fallen in love with this profession during high school and that passion led me all the way to the finish line.

As an occupational therapist I would be afforded the opportunity to help individuals throughout their lifespan who needed assistance to lead a life as close to independence as possible.

Prior to graduation, I had my job all lined up and I was ready to go.  

Rehabilitation center… here I come!

Yes!…

No…

After my first month on the job at the rehab center, I was ready to quit.  I love all people, young and old, but the elderly population was not my forte.  

My other option was working with children and initially, I was all gung-ho about working with special needs children in a school based setting.  (Side bar- I am innately drawn to children; ALL types of children.) 

However, after my second internship affiliation panned out to be a stressful situation thanks to my supervisor, I dared not step back into that realm. (Or so I thought.) 

After the realization that the older population wasn’t my favorite, and after accepting my love for children, I decided to work with special needs children in a school based setting.

I love working with children.  Children are bundles of energy and they have so much vitality, which give our lives so much color.  Many would agree this to be true in regards to typical children— but what about those children born with developmental delays? Or what about those born with conditions such as Down Syndrome or Cerebral Palsy, or those diagnosed with Autism? Do we feel the same way about these children?

I do.

Are they valued as less than? 

Not in my eyes. 

Children who are born with a disadvantage are still people. They have feelings and a desire to live life to the fullest.  They just need help to get to where they need to go. 

Back when I worked in Queens, I worked with a little 4 year old boy who was diagnosed with cerebral palsy.  He was unable to walk.  He also had some spasticity in his upper extremities (tightness in his arms and hands).  He also had poor trunk control and was unable to maintain an upright sitting posture for no more than 1 minute.  Despite his physical conditions, he was one of the smartest and brightest boys I had ever known.  My treatment focus was to strengthen his core, hands and upper extremities. This was done through prone (on stomach) scooter board activities, using play dough, working on an antigravity surface (pretty much working against gravity) to complete puzzles or painting activities.  

To simplify this, we played with a purpose.  By the end of the school year this child was able to maintain an upright sitting posture for about 3 minutes to complete table top activities.  He demonstrated decreased tightness in his arms, which enabled him to work more successfully during work and play. 

I was so excited at the gains he made!!!

Maybe you have a child with special needs or you know someone who does or you work within this population. 

These children need you to help them have a voice and to be heard. 

You have to understand: 

  1. These children are human.  They are people who think, feel, need things, eat, sleep and live just as you do.
  1. These children want something.  They want to be able to live as independently as they can. 
  1. Change will not happen overnight.  We need to patiently work with these youngsters to strengthen areas of weakness. We have to build them up and help them increase their confidence in themselves by never giving up on them, regardless of how slow the process may seem.
  1. We need to show genuine love.  It seems to be common within our fickle society to prefer a certain look, type, or child.  When working with special needs children, we must be genuine, loving, kind and helpful.  These little people can sense our energy and it will affect the overall progress of the goal we are seeking to attain if we have given up and have lost hope.
  1. You are not alone.  It is normal to go through feelings of frustration, helplessness, brokenness, and hopelessness. You may feel as if your child will never make gains.  You’re not alone and you don’t have to run this course solo. 
  1. There are a plethora of resources available to assist you when you feel as if you have done everything you can.

Every child matters!!!

I would like to especially thank all the professionals out there, parents, special education teachers, occupational therapists, physical therapists, speech teachers/speech pathologists, psychologists, guidance counselors and anyone else that I failed to mention for their EXCELLENT work in this realm.

Please feel free to access some of these resources that can help you: 

https://www.health.ny.gov/publications/0532.pdf

https://www.autismspectrum.org.au/sites/default/files/SE05_1330_Caroline%20Mills.pdf

http://therapystreetforkids.com/

https://www.sensorysmarts.com/working_with_schools.html

https://www2.ed.gov/about/inits/ed/earlylearning/inclusion/resources-for-families.html

~Candace Mezetin

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Inspiration and Motivation

No! “I Do Not Like Green Eggs and…”

February 23, 2017

Hmm… “Green Eggs and Ham” a very famous Dr. Seuss children’s book, and also the imagery that might run through many women’s mind who are told that their eggs are no longer ‘viable’ and that having a child on their own is near impossible.   Green eggs…what a brash correlation, but nonetheless a real one.

According to the Centers For Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), about 6% of married women in the United States between the ages of 15-44 are unable to conceive or get pregnant after one year of having unprotected sex (CDC, 2016). Additionally, 12% of that same age group of 15-44 regardless of marital status have difficulty getting pregnant or completing a full term pregnancy (CDC, 2016).   Now, many individuals may read this and say “6%” and “12%”, those numbers are so small. Well let us take a closer look at the numbers.  

Currently, the population of women within the United States of America that was last recorded in 2014 was reported to be 162 million (United States Census Bureau, 2016). So, 6% of 162 million equates to over 9 million (exact number is 9,720,000). That is about the number of married women between the ages of 15-44 that are affected by infertility. In regards, to the 12% of women between the ages of 15-44 who are infertile (includes all women—no matter their martial status), that percentage represents over 19 million women in the United States (exact number 19,440, 000).   These numbers are huge!

Yes, the percentages as a whole may look quite small, but a deeper look into the actual statistics reveals an ugly truth—infertility plagues our communities.   I have not personally, suffered from infertility issues, however, I know way too many friends, family members, co-workers, and acquaintances who are struggling to bring forth a life—a dream that feels like “spitting in the wind”.  I also know that I am not alone in my experiences, I am sure we all have encountered or heard of someone who is struggling with infertility problems.

Solutions anyone??? Due to advancing technologies, procedures like In-Vitro (viable egg and sperm are implanted directly into the uterus) are now available to women, along with surrogacy (another women carries the fetus), and adoption (legally granted guardianship of a minor). These options sound so great, right??? Unfortunately, as awesome as they may sound, they are very expensive and many times are not covered in full, or at all by insurance companies.   Where does that leave many women/couples now???   Emotionally, mentally, physically, and at times financially depleted.  

For my fellow counterparts who are experiencing infertility issues please know that you do not have to hike this journey alone. There are many support services to help guide you along this rough terrain. To other women, who may know individuals going through such trying times, lend them a supportive shoulder and ear if possible.

Again, so No! “I do not like Green Eggs and…” and to be stuck with the harsh reality of having “Green Eggs” or the inability to conceive or adopt children—is simply catastrophic.   

In my opinion, the creation of life is one of the greatest miracles, if not the most utmost wonders known to the human race.   Whether you are a biological mother, or adopted children who became your very own, it does not change the fact that you have experienced one of the toughest, but most fulfilling professions on earth…motherhood. Let us all help raise awareness to this very delicate topic, so that more can be done on the part of our government and insurance companies to help other women fulfill their dreams of becoming a mother.

~Contessa Thomas

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” Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”

February 19, 2017

“I just want to scream!!!”

“I can’t take it anymore!!!”

“This is just too hard!!!”

“This is not what I expected!!!”

Sounds familiar?

Have you ever felt this way?

Life has a way of beating us up, oppressing, degrading, and burying us. 

We’re trying so hard to stay afloat. We’re treading the waters only to find ourselves becoming weary. Kicking, kicking… trying to stay afloat. Eventually we become more tired and we start kicking a little less…we slow down on our doggy paddles and eventually we start to sink…if we don’t change something in our technique we will spend forever sinking until we drown. 

When is enough, enough!?

When will we stop allowing abusive situations to mandate our lives, dictate our emotions and control our actions?

It’s frustrating and it just makes me want to screammmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!

*mic drops*
Do you want to scream? 

So scream!

“Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”

Now what?

Where do we go from here?

How do we pick up the pieces of our shattered heart and build again? 

We all go through various situations that push us to a breaking point.  No one is exempt from this as we all live in this crooked and brutal world.  The essence of this matter is how we deal with and get through these moments (Sane).

There have been several moments in my life where I have felt this way: 

  • Moments during my marriage
  • Moments during my “friendships”
  • Moments during church relations and positions
  • Moments during my working years
  • Moments when I felt racism and discrimination were surrounding me

Point being made, we all go through these situations. 

Many times we are left feeling desolate, depleted, depressed, dissolved, and depreciated. 

There was an afternoon I went to Wal-Mart to pick up some groceries. It happened to be an afternoon without the kids so it afforded me the opportunity to reflect and think.  During that time I was dealing with a lot of pressures at home, church, parental baggage from my past and to top it off my sister was moving to Maryland! I was a mess. I hadn’t been able to fully express everything that was building up inside. I felt overwhelmed and just wanted to give up.  After my shopping I went back to the car and sat there staring off into space. Feelings of frustration overwhelmed me and I turned the radio on and immediately this song started playing,

” You’re shattered like you’ve never been before.  The life you knew in a thousand pieces on the floor. Words fall short in times like these when this world drives you to your knees.  You think you’re never going to get back to the you that used to be….tell your heart to beat again…close your eyes and breathe it in, let the shadows fall away, step into the light of grace. Yesterday’s a closing door; you don’t live there anymore. Say goodbye to where you’ve been and tell your heart to beat again” (Danny Gokey) 

I immediately burst into tears (something I don’t do often). Thank God the kids weren’t with me as they would have panicked.  

The song described exactly what I was feeling.

So my question is how do we get our hearts to beat again?

I believe that it is necessary for us to have an outlet.  
It could be a person, a place of refuge, our faith… whatever.  We need a place where we can just open up and pour it all out. 

I also think that it is important to express ourselves to the source of our problems.  If the source is your spouse, you have to open up and say what you need to say.  If it’s a friend, pour it out and let them know they are the source of your pain.  

We need to start by releasing the steam. Think of a pot covered up on the stove.  If water is boiling and the steam is not released, that pot cover will eventually fly off… and becomes a vector for danger.  

Please don’t become that pot of steam. 

Once we start expressing our feelings of the things that keep us debilitated, we then have to seek to change that situation.  

We need to identify what we really want.  What is it that we need to be completed and feel fulfilled?  We need to take a moment to reflect and think this through.  Once we have identified that we have to do something different to foster the change that we need to see. 

Doing something different may mean cutting off dead relationships, abstaining from certain places, or telling people about the way they make you feel.  

If you want to change a situation, you have to change your action. Do something different and be the change you want to see. 

Once we do something different, there needs to be a source of sustainability.  Something that keeps us fueled, charged, and going, never looking back.  If we don’t connect ourselves to a source of sustainability, we will find ourselves back in that water… treading, living a relentless cycle. 

Moments will come when you find yourself falling back into old habits, but sustainability and accountability are necessary to help us stay out of the waters.

We are all emotional beings, and if it were not so we would be robots. Expressing ourselves is necessary for our health and well-being.

We need to learn how to cope under trying circumstances, so that we don’t break ourselves down.

I also want you to know that you’re not alone. Your feelings are normal and you can make it through!

Regardless of your situations…remember that you never have to give up.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, a pot of gold at the other side of the rainbow, a hope that will pull you through.

~ Candace Mezetin

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Inspiration and Motivation

Woman What Do You Want From Me?!

February 16, 2017

Appreciation, love, respect, and to be cherished are all things that I hold very high on my list as a woman. After almost 11 years of marriage and 8 ½ years of being a mother, it may not be as clear to others what I need as fuel and motivation. To constantly feel that those around you whom you give your everything to truly acknowledges your contributions to their successful growth as individuals and the entire family unit as a whole is my recharge.   Often, I hear the adjectives “bitter” or “miserable” tied to the noun “woman”. It is very easy to sit back and cast those stones in ignorance. In my adult married life as a mother, the most ‘miserable’ moments I can recall are those where I felt underappreciated, undervalued, or when the sacrifices I made seem to have fallen on the nonchalant shoulders of those I truly love and sacrifice my all for daily.   So, the question remains “Woman What Do You Want From Me?!”

Here is what I WANT: unconditional love, appreciation, support, and a devotion that transcends the borders of just any ordinary relationship. I want to know that every tear I cry, every broken nail, every sleepless night, and every moment persevered—while fighting the overwhelming urge to throw in the towel is not ignored, or better yet, attributed to my ‘wifely/motherly’ duties that I am supposedly ‘required’ to fulfill by societal standards. As a woman, to fill my emotional gas tank with love and utmost appreciation is like receiving a cup of lifesaving cold water on a hot and scorching summer day.   It is not a mere preference, but a necessity for my survival and sanity.  

Women, we are quite some resilient creatures when I think about the whole scheme of life and how we operate.   Most women, I know (including myself), would take a bag of lemons and turn it into the sweetest glass of lemonade for all to partake of—without even taking a sip of it to quench her very own increasing thirst.   Yes, again it is called S-A-C-R-I-F-I-C-E.   To put one’s self last on the line, knowing that those well-needed rations are not enough to make it to your placement on that line. Nonetheless, you pick up yourself and move forward in faith and confidence. You do not ever look back, because you know that deep down in your heart it was all done for the greater good of those whom you love and deeply care about.

As one of the wisest men to ever live, Solomon said—“a virtuous woman, o how her price is way more valuable than the price of rubies” (Proverbs 31:10). My, my, my, those gems are precious indeed!   What is this highly knowledgeable man telling us? He is telling us to not take that good woman in our lives for granted because her worth and contributions are not easily replaced.  Many great men have searched high and low, in and out, for an entire lifetime to find that very special woman—and truthfully some live and die without ever finding that special queen.  

So for those individuals who have, don’t forget to water that plant daily. Why wait until you have lost the very person or thing you love to realize in hindsight how much they really were the nourishment that you desperately needed. From my personal experiences, a happy, motivated, fulfilled woman is like a gift that keeps on giving.   Let that special woman know that you truly love and care for her deeply on a regular basis—trust me the pay off will be PRICELESS!

Contessa Thomas

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Laugh!

February 12, 2017

When was the last time you had a good laugh? Yesterday? Last week? Last year?!

Laughter is one of life’s FREE and natural stress relievers. Laughter is important and necessary for our overall health and well being.

More often than not, we get caught up living day to day, focusing on work, meeting quotas, taking care of children, or merely fulfilling responsibilities and obligations that we forget to laugh.

3 years ago that used to be me. So fixed on the routine, that dictated the course of my day: Wake up, have worship, wake up the kids, get them ready for school and drop them off, drive 30 minutes to work, provide treatment for children with special needs (I’m an occupational therapist) write my progress notes, chit chat with my co-workers, end the day at work, drive 30 minutes back home, pick up the kids, get home, start homework and dinner, shower the kids, worship and bed. There was seldom a moment of laughter in my day.

Does this sound like fun? NO!!!!

We were not meant to live this way.

We need to laugh!!!

Numerous studies have shown that laughter is good medicine for our bodies. Laughter can help us to lead healthier lives. According to Help Guide (2017) laughter can strengthen the immune system, help increase our mood, relieves pain and minimizes the effects of stressful situations. Overall, it is important to know that laughter will improve our emotional state of mind, create stronger relationships and connections, and help us to lead a happier and possibly longer life.

About a month ago, I experienced a laughter break through.  I say breakthrough because it had been a long time since I laughed.  During a kick boxing class, our instructor gave us a 3 hit combo to execute.  One of our classmates was really killing the move, I mean like really putting us to shame because he was so good. He had the “illest” round house kick and he was hitting that bag with such ferocity and power. As we were practicing our 3 hit combos, the class instructor brought our attention to our classmate.  The instructor wanted our classmate to demonstrate how well he was executing the moves. As our classmate started the combo and proceeded to do a round house kick, he over shot his kick with great power which caused him to fall abruptly on his bottom.  The whole class was in shock… maybe stunned.  We all proceeded to encourage him and we continued the class as if nothing happened. Of course we made sure that he was unharmed and thankfully, he was ok.  The next day in another class we were all talking about the incident and in our recapping the moment we all busted out laughing.  I mean, we laughed until we cried. We all agreed that it was funny and we appreciated the opportunity to laugh. After that moment, I realized that I hadn’t laughed like that in a very long time.

I felt a sense of weight lifted off my shoulders just from that moment of laughter.  It made me feel happier, lighter and free.

My friends, we need to incorporate more laughter into our lives. It will do us well.

Guess what?  We’ll start today.

Here are a few jokes to boost your laughter.

  • This morning on the way to work I wasn’t really paying attention and I drove into the back of a car at some traffic lights. The driver got out and it turned out he was a dwarf. He said, “I’m not happy.” I said, “Well, which one are you are?” FunnyJokesgoo.gl/hjrfoc
  • An Italian businessman on his deathbed called his good friend and said, “Luigi, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.” “And what,” his friend asked, “do you want me to do with your ashes?” The businessman said, “Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the IRS…and write on the envelope, ‘Now you have everything.'” Funny Jokes goo.gl/hjrfoc
  • One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was “acting up” during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, “Pray for me! Pray for me!” http://jokes.christiansunite.com/Church/Acting_Up_In_Church.shtml
  • A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?” Annie replied, “Because people are sleeping” http://www.swapmeetdave.com/Humor/Religious.htm

I hope that these jokes gave you a good laugh.

Remember that laughter is necessary for our health and well being.

Candace Mezetin

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Inspiration and Motivation

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall…YIKES!

February 9, 2017

Who are we? What or who do we really stand for? When things do not go the way we plan, or the pressure of life turns up full blast—who is truly that person that we so safely nuzzle away deep inside from all peering eyes? A recent encounter with one of my dear neighbors while I dropped off my children at the bus stop really brought to the forefront of my mind this thought provoking topic.

How often do we as individuals let people into our lives and the lives of our family members out of the genuine nature of our hearts only to be burned or stabbed in the back later?   Yes, I have had this happen to me numerous times and each time it does occur, it does not get easier to swallow.  Nonetheless, as my neighbor confided in me, it was brought to my attention that a specific individual whom I thought of as a friend disowned me and bad talked me behind my back.   The purpose of my neighbor telling me this was not to ignite a gossip war, but to simply say to me how much of a beautiful person that I am on the inside.   You see, a couple of months earlier, that same neighbor asked me about that individual, and yes at that time I knew that we were no longer close (for silly reasons in my opinion). However, I simply responded, that the person was working and therefore we rarely saw each other—which was the truth.     However, I made a conscious decision not to spread gossip or tear down the credibility of that person.   In doing that, my actions truly spoke louder than words.   My dear neighbor thanked me again for being a sincere, kindhearted individual who genuinely cares about the wellbeing of others—including those who choose to hurt me deeply and deliberately.    

In all honesty, initially the human selfish side of me wanted to close up my heart shop and never let anyone in as close again.   However, I serve such an Awesome and Merciful God, and doing so would not be true to Him, and His loving spirit that resides within me. As a result, I will continue to love others knowing that the risk of hurt possibly waits to ensnare me—but with confidence I know that I will survive, and always do.

A wise poet once said, “Don’t burn bridges. Make an enemy of someone only if you cannot avoid that unfortunate rend. You never know when you might need that same person to be a helpful friend” – HP Thomas

Again, I ask who are we when the smoke clears?   What do we stand for? What legacy will we choose to leave behind? “No Man Is an Island” we sincerely need each other to survive, despite whether or not we want to acknowledge this true fact.   It simply is, what it is. How we choose to react to others lies solely as the responsibility of the designated party.   In the end you cannot blame anyone for your reactions but yourself.

Let us choose love over hate; kind and encouraging words over gossiped filled malignant ones; and take advantage of every opportunity that comes our way to uplift others when we get the chance to—instead of using them as a foot mat to trample upon.

I encourage others to let this be your mantra at heart “Mirror, Mirror on the wall…” who is the most kindest and noblest of them all? In utmost confidence, and without an inkling of doubt—let that individual be you.

-Contessa Thomas

 

 

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Are You Happy?

February 5, 2017

Here I am, driving down Route 211 to Upstate New York, jamming to Kirk Franklin’s “Do You Want To Be Happy”, loving the song and the lyrics. Once the song ended I asked myself the dreaded question, “Am I really happy?”

Let’s rewind…

Growing up, I cannot say that I was truly happy, even though I had happy moments. Being the oldest of 6 children came with a great deal of pressure seen and unseen. I was living each day, having to present myself like I had it all together when truthfully on the inside I was falling apart.
I was dealing with episodes of being abused, episodes of witnessing my loved ones being abused, and always feeling ugly. These were some of my greatest battles that made me sad. I was constantly comparing myself to someone else; always wishing I was thinner, wishing I had long flowing hair down to my back, wishing that I was light-skinned, wishing my forehead wasn’t so big and wishing I was pretty. The list goes on and on and on. All of these elements contributed to my state of unhappiness.

My current state at that time only led me into bigger situations that caused me more unhappiness.  It was a serious snowball effect.  Sneaking around, engaging in relationships I had no business being a part of, degrading myself…. all because I was unhappy.  Looking for acceptance, trying to fit in, thinking that was the antidote to achieve the happiness I unduly sought.

The amount of pain I had to endure in my search of happiness was so great that I recommend that no one seek to trek down that road.

Happiness was only a decision away, but I couldn’t see it at that time.

2014 was the year that changed my life and my journey towards happiness began.

I was a working mom of 3 children, feeling overwhelmed by the pressures of life. We were living pay check to pay check, struggling to survive. I always felt a sense of frustration because my husband would never give me answers to my questions. The struggle was real. Deciding to be done with having children after the 3rd child, we were surprised to find out that we were pregnant again! That placed a great deal of mental stress on me as I worked, took care of my family and carried around my little bundle. I was NOT happy. I felt bad, and I was done!

It came to a point where I had to decide where I was going. I had to choose my happiness or else I would drown in my misery.

How did I find that “yellow brick road”?

I threw in the control towel.

  • Surrender – I literally had to acknowledge that I was not in control of anything. I had to let go of my “independence” and surrender. There’s a song by Carrie Underwood entitled, “ Jesus Take The Wheel” and that song talks about letting go and surrendering. I also love that song because it signifies the essence of true surrender.
  • Acceptance – I had to accept myself for who I was.  My mother used to always tell me,”It doesn’t matter how long you stay in the mirror fixing yourself; you can’t change how you look! “
    I am Candace. Had to accept it, embrace it and be willing to live with it. If I had a little more meat on my body than my friends… it was ok! If my hair was nappy with the beady beady buck shots (as Contessa and I would call it) so be it!  If my skin was black as charcoal, I had to find the beauty in that… because it is beautiful.  Accept who you are.
    About 4 years ago, while driving home from work, I was feeling down, defeated, ugly and unhappy.  I turned the radio on to the Sound of Life and the song by Mercy Me came on.  “You’re beautiful” and I cried a river. It was the right song at the right time. It totally helped me to change my perspective.Remember, YOU are beautiful!
  •  Appreciation – I had to learn to appreciate who I was, the gifts I WAS endowed with and be grateful!  There are so many people who don’t have the exact gifts that I have but I was unable to appreciate it because I was so busy wishing to be someone else. I had to learn to appreciate everything that made me who I was and be grateful. Appreciation is essential on that yellow brick road.

You have to determine the things that bring out the best you, the things that will make you happy. This will require some serious thinking and reflecting, but when you find that road it only gets better from there. Along the path you may fall, you may get discouraged and even want to give up. Keep on pressing. Keep on living and keep on believing.

Happiness is a state of mind.

You have to choose to achieve your happiness. Regardless of where we are born, our childhood experiences, as we grow we have the chance to choose happiness.

Today, I can say that despite the daily battles I am continually striving and pressing on my road to happiness.

I invite you to join me.

It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.” Charles Spurgeon

– Candace Mezetin

 

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Nagging Hag?

February 2, 2017

As I stood in the laundry room folding freshly washed clothing this past Sunday night, my mind began to drift as I reflected on the last couple of days.   As I became deeply carried away into my wonderland of thoughts a sudden chuckle escaped my lips—as my mind stopped on the following idea: Why do a lot of men see women as nags?   It truly bothered me, as I know that we as women mean well for the most part. That label is flung so loosely around—and in my opinion most of the time in an undeserving way.

While in my thoughts, my mind reverted to a movie on Netflix that I was watching the day before entitled “Born to Win”, and though funny at the time, the best friend of the main actor referred to his wife as ‘The Government’.   I laughed so hard that I nearly fell off my bed.   Here these two men are drinking their sorrows away at a town bar as they both have this drunken pow-wow, ranting and raving about their annoying, ungrateful, and yes…’NAGGING’ wives.   The nerve of these men!

So…what is the true definition of Nagging or being a Nag?   My good friend Merriam-Webster defines the word as “to find fault incessantly; a.k.a – COMPLAIN; to be a persistent source of annoyance or distraction”. Yikes!!! Is this what runs through my husband’s mind, when I try in my kindest and sweetest voice to remind him to please wash the dishes, or put air in my van tires, and etc. To make matters worse, a quick Google search of the phrase “Nagging Hag”, revealed a list of articles written by men to help other men remedy their nagging women. This induced a moment of good laughter for me.

Putting all jokes aside, in my personal experience no woman wants to be referred to as a ‘nag’—and in fact, the mere thought of being labeled as one out loud or silently can be truly hurtful.   We as women give our all to make sure that our families are well taken care of—and at times at the expense of our own well-being (I speak directly from the heart as I disclose this truth).

Where does the disconnection between the two parties (men and women) lie, as it pertains to the way we communicate with each other? Where does the love go wrong (said in a soulful voice)? At what point do our beautiful men feel like we are trying to change them constantly—while all they want is for us to remain the same sweet, carefree, ‘non-nagging’ woman they fell in love with? When do they begin to say “Yes, Mom” in their heads while they answer us “Yes Dear” out loud? Deep sigh…how can we all just see eye to eye, which constitutes each party doing what it takes to make each other happy and less stressed. After all, we are supposed to be each other’s biggest supporters (The Batman and Robin duo), right?

After numerous discussions with my brothers and very close male friends, I came to conclude the following points:

  • Women, clearly communicate your wishes to your significant other. DO NOT leave anything to the imagination to be interpreted, or else more than likely the end result will only turn you into the Incredible ‘NAG’.
  • Women, if you are very particular about how you would like your significant other to carry out a certain task, or if it is truly time sensitive in your book— I advise you to…JUST DO IT YOURSELF.  If not, take a deep breath and believe in good faith, that the task will get completed eventually.
  • Women, men need time to unwind after a long day or stressful event. Yes, we can jump right in and save the day like Superwoman (this one took me a very long time to digest), but our awesome guys are not wired that way usually.   Let them take a moment to catch their breath before the task list comes out.
  • Lastly, women, our lovely men do not want to feel like they are our children, but instead our equal partners whom we have vowed to love and cherish.

Again, the above points were derived from the inside scoop, and therefore I deem it highly valuable.   I was afforded the great opportunity to hear it directly from the source’s mouth—instead of formulating my own ‘womanly’ opinions, which may be subjected to ‘false accusations and assumptions’.   I myself have continually tried to implement those points listed above, and when executed successfully, communication with my husband is indeed a lot smoother.   As the old saying goes “Practice makes perfect”— that is definitely a truism when it comes to formulating new habits for any individual.

From a personal vantage point, I definitely do not want to go down in the history of my husband’s memory bank as the ‘Nagging Hag’ (I cannot get over how awful those words are!), but rather as his Eve, or his Lois Lane, or simply and preferably the one and only true love of his life.

-Contessa Thomas

 

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