Inspiration and Motivation

If Only…

June 11, 2019

If only I was a better mother…

If only I was a better wife…

If only I was a better person…

If only I had more money…

If only I made better decisions with the time allotted to me…

The ‘If Only’s” in life can be very daunting and stressful on one’s state of mind.  I have made a conscious decision to stop living in the “If Only’s” and “What Could Be’s”. I have decided to live in my present truth.  This is not an easy thing to do, and in fact, writing this article is taking a great deal of courage.  I sit here pulling in slow deep breaths, as I try to prevent myself from becoming overly anxious.  My truth isn’t easy to share, especially when so many viewed my life as nearly perfect. However, I choose to stand in my truth, which is my reality; so that my experiences can help strengthen others as they tread the waters of life.

My initial truth was happily ever after. 

That is what I envisioned my life to be after I said “I do” at the tender age of 21.  Unfortunately, life does whatever it wants, despite our hardest efforts to plan it all out.  My life has not been an easy road and abuse seemed to have laced the pathways of my life, taking on various forms.  Masking its ugly self, sometimes in the subtlest of ways.  

If only I loved him more… 

If only I gave more of my time…

 If only I was a better wife/mother…

If only I stayed in line and did what I was told…  

I can easily get lost in the ‘If Onlys”, but I have made a prayerful and conscious decision to stop this downward spiral of self-worth.  I thank God for the strength given to me to stay sane amidst the chaos and for the drive that He gave me to be resilient and victorious.

Today, I choose to accept my reality as a divorced mother of 3 beautiful children. I choose me! I choose to rise! I choose to love regardless of how many people choose to hate or hurt me.  I choose to embrace my story and tell it. I want to uplift others and help them discover their true self-worth.    

Yes, there are times when I am so afraid, but I have vowed to forge ahead anyway! The late Carrie Fisher puts it best: 

“Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually, the confidence will follow.” 

Life rarely gives us do-overs, but hey don’t wait for life to give it to you…take it! Don’t let fear stop you, nor the “If Only’s” of life. I challenge you to: Bebold, Be brave, Be the best version of you that you can be every day!  Know that you are strong and resilient enough to rise above the pain that seems so unbearable. You are great and victorious! 

~Contessa  Thomas

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